Chapter 04

Fri., Jun 22, 11:57 a.m., Dos Jefe’s Bar

“I wonder if Earl is still in the pokey,” Sunshine mutters through a mouthful of her Cosmopolitan. It is her second cosmo since she and Art arrived, and the Press Your Luck marathon hasn’t even started.

“You sure are preoccupied. I don’t know and I’m not sure I really care all that much,” Art replies. “And I’m pretty sure there’s no way I’m going to be able to sit through a marathon of twenty year old game show reruns with you, Sunshine. I’m sorry, but I think I am going to have to leave you here in peace.”

Sunshine shrugs. “Suit yourself, but don’t forget to take the red wagon and park it back at the house.”

“I would never forget the wagon, Sunshine.”

Fri., Jun 22, 12:08 p.m., 303 Exposition Blvd.

Earl Patton has gone through five or six names in his phone book before he gets to Gwen. “Have you seen Sunshine?” he asks.

“I guess this means you’re out of jail.”

“Thanks for spreading the news. Everyone I’ve spoken to so far seems to know.”

“It’s who I am. As for Sunshine, I saw her this morning, at C.C.’s.”

“Do you know where she went?”

“I assume they went back home.”

“Who is they?”

“Sunshine and Art, who else.”

“Oh, of course. No, nobody was at the house. I checked a few minutes ago. Do you have any idea where they may have gone?”

“This is Sunshine we’re talking about.”

“Point conceded. She’s turned off her cell. Do you have Art’s number by any chance?”

“Afraid not. Try Muffin. She’s bound to have it, you know, free drinks and all that.”

“Thanks, Gwen.”

Fri., Jun 22, 12:14 p.m.. 3931 ½ Prytania

“Lush Muffin?”

“Yes,” she replies, without voice, willing words from her throat. “Who is this?”

“It’s Earl.”

“Earl, don’t you know better than to call me this early?”

“It’s after noon.”

“Oh. I should get up then.”

“Well, anyway, I was wondering if you could give me your friend Art’s number. I’m looking for Sunshine and she’s not answering her phone.”

Lush Muffin pauses, trying in her half-conscious brain to make sense of the words that were just spoken to her. When, after a few moments, the sentence begins to make sense, she replies, “That would require me getting out of bed. Call back in twenty minutes. I should be up then.”

Fri., Jun 22, 12:27 p.m., Place d’Armes Hotel

Nobody ever really tells Nikolai Valentino what to do. They might intimate he should take a particular course of action, but the decision is always his to make, because, of course, he is the smartest man alive. So when there was a decision to be made whether to shutter the classic, always popular and once profitable Chauncey’s Restaurant on the corner of Iberville and Chartres streets, it was, essentially, only Nick’s.

“I want branding. I will be Microsoft of the restaurant business. And Chauncey’s does not fit into that vision. Vision, people.” Nick Valentino has become a big believer in power words, with “vision” being one of his personal favorites. “The marketplace’s dynamics require us to focus not only on the synergy of restaurant and people, but also the synergy we can attain from incorporating new ideas, new, cutting edge strategies to divide and conquer the four corners of the culinary industry, those being food, aesthetics, atmosphere and last, and most importantly, product placement.” Nikolai Valentino smiles widely at his last, shrewd bullet point. “You’ve seen it in the movies, people, the synergy between Pepsi Co. and Back to the Future was a stroke of brilliance. Sales of Diet Pepsi went through the roof. We are going to bring that dynamic to the restaurant business.” He takes a moment to let what he has said sink in. “In that vein, I have decided to buy the Applebee’s chain of restaurants and mold them into this new image, one of great food, comfortable aesthetics, great atmosphere and last, and certainly not least, abundant product placement.”


Fri., Jun 22, 12:29 p.m., Judge Mule’s Private Chambers

“Deidre!”

“Yes sir?”

“Have you read this?”


From the Fri., Jun 22nd edition of the New Orleans Times-Picayune

Local Firm To Buy Applebee’s

NEW ORLEANS (AP)
The New Orleans based Valentino Fine Linens and the London, England based Chelsea Football Club, PLC, have announced they have entered into an agreement to purchase the Overland Park, KS based Applebee’s Restaurant Corporation for an undisclosed sum on Tuesday.

In a statement, Tuesday, Chelsea Football Club, PLC’s Chairman of the Board, Russian billionaire oil tycoon Roman Abramovich, said the following through an interpreter: “I am very excited being a part of the acquisition of this fine line of dining establishments.”

Nikolai Valentino, CEO of Valentino Fine Linens, had this to say, “Today is a day of synergy. With this purchase, we have a vision to bring Applebee’s into the twenty-first century.”

The following is a quote from the investor relations section of the Applebee’s website.

“Applebee’s® International, Inc., headquartered in Overland Park, Kansas, develops, franchises and operates casual dining restaurants in 49 states, one US territory, and 16 international countries under the Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar® brand.

Each Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar is designed as an attractive, friendly, neighborhood establishment featuring moderately priced, high-quality food and beverage items, table service and a comfortable atmosphere that appeals to all ages. As "America’s Favorite Neighbor®," each Applebee’s restaurant reflects its local neighborhood. The decor conveys this theme with photographs and memorabilia highlighting hometown heroes, local schools and area history.

Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar is the largest casual dining concept in America, both in terms of number of restaurants and market share. As of Dec. 31, there were 1,930 Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar restaurants, of which 1,409 were operated by franchisees and 521 were operated by the company.”


Fri., Jun 22, 12:30 p.m., Judge Mule’s Private Chambers

“Don’t you see, Deidre? Valentino Fine Linens owns Chauncey’s. They plan to turn Chauncey’s into an Applebee’s, in, of all places, the French Quarter. Do you know what that means?”

“Oh, Applebee’s has a great chicken salad.”

Judge Mule stares at Deidre, dumbstruck.

“I’m sorry, sir. I think I’m missing the point.”

“As per usual.”

“Sorry again, sir.”

“What will come next? A Starbucks?”

“Good coffee.”

“Deidre!”

“Sorry, sir.”

“I will speak slowly so you will understand the ramifications of such an endeavor.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Judge Mule clears his throat. “Arnaud’s becomes Pizza Hut. Galatoire’s is now a Burger King. Brennan’s, Denny’s.”

“Sir?”

Judge Mule shakes his head. “Just get out of my office.”

“Are you being that word again? Facetious?”

“Close, Deidre. Today, I am being hyperbolic.”

“Hyperbolic,” Deidre repeats deliberately, as if by speaking the word she will glean its meaning.

Judge Mule smiles. “Applebee’s in the Quarter? Not going to happen. Not on my watch.”